My Progress

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Mexico Dreamin...and other deep thoughts

My husband and I are headed to Puerta Vallarta on Nov 17th for a dream 9 day vacation! I am so excited, this is my first beach trip since losing weight and not feeling like a complete whale! I have been concerned with my attitude lately though because I have been thinking a lot about how much better I would look if I were 20-30Lb thinner. Why do we do that to ourselves? Just as I am feeling good, that negative thinking still creeps in...

I am determined NOT to let it get the better of me. My husband thinks I look hot and I am really going to try and see myself through his eyes :-)

I had a body fat test done yesterday and I was pretty disappointed with the results. The last time I was dunked was 2 years ago and I did NO strength training at that time. I have been working with a trainer now since January and I can do real military style push ups! I was sure my muscle would increase and I figured based on pounds lost for a 8-10% drop in fat. Well according to the test I have lost 10 Lbs of muscle and only 3.5% of fat????? I spent most of yesterday trying to deal with that info without going completely off track...I mean I put a lot of blood sweat and tears into losing weight and getting healthy and I really expected different results.

So now, I can either keep moving forward or just stop and give up. Well; giving up is not an option so forward it is.

I have been reading several blogs talking about binge eating...I really struggle with that too! I can go well for a while but as soon as I give in to some small sugary or simple carb food - my brain stops functioning correctly and I just keep eating with no thought to what the heck I am doing. I swear it is like I am in dream state and can see myself doing it but am powerless to stop it. Now I know that is crap - I know have the ability to stop and pull myself away from the freakin cookie. I really don't get it, it feels physical to me, not mental or my body is addicted to the sugar and takes over my cognitive thinking. I am really coming to grips with the fact that I need to get sugar OUT of my diet forever. That is a hard thing to admit and even harder for me to do...I love baking and I love all things sugar. If I can master this last great challenge it will be my greatest victory! If not, I will never be completely happy regardless of how much progress I make.

All that said, I have been doing fairly well with eating and working out, I am pretty motivated right now with Mexico. I know if I don't get a handle on dealing with cravings they will get the better of me sooner or later and I don't want to slide backwards again.


Julie said...

First off very jealous of your trip! I love Mexico!

Next don't let those numbers get you down! They are only a small part of the picture. There are so many other parts to look at. You are don't things you could not do before and that is a big part also. I've tried to really shift my thinking to more of a "I want to be healthy" attitude and not so much focus on what the numbers are. Some days are better then others but I think it is helping.

Life as a Caterpillar said...

So excited for your holiday!!

I will cut sugar with you as well, someone (who ahs lost 102lbs) advised me that might be a good idea.

I think of you as very fit person, from reading your blog, and it's strange to know you have the same eating concerns as someone like me. Strange but comforting in a way, to know i am not the only one having crazy fat-girl thoughts.

I am certain this community will help me conquer my demons


Blue Sunshine said...

Congrats on your weight loss and fitness success. You are an inspiration.

Also, Puerta Vallarta is gorgeous. Went there in 2003 and it's definitely a go-backer.