My husband and I are headed to Puerta Vallarta on Nov 17th for a dream 9 day vacation! I am so excited, this is my first beach trip since losing weight and not feeling like a complete whale! I have been concerned with my attitude lately though because I have been thinking a lot about how much better I would look if I were 20-30Lb thinner. Why do we do that to ourselves? Just as I am feeling good, that negative thinking still creeps in...
I am determined NOT to let it get the better of me. My husband thinks I look hot and I am really going to try and see myself through his eyes :-)
I had a body fat test done yesterday and I was pretty disappointed with the results. The last time I was dunked was 2 years ago and I did NO strength training at that time. I have been working with a trainer now since January and I can do real military style push ups! I was sure my muscle would increase and I figured based on pounds lost for a 8-10% drop in fat. Well according to the test I have lost 10 Lbs of muscle and only 3.5% of fat????? I spent most of yesterday trying to deal with that info without going completely off track...I mean I put a lot of blood sweat and tears into losing weight and getting healthy and I really expected different results.
So now, I can either keep moving forward or just stop and give up. Well; giving up is not an option so forward it is.
I have been reading several blogs talking about binge eating...I really struggle with that too! I can go well for a while but as soon as I give in to some small sugary or simple carb food - my brain stops functioning correctly and I just keep eating with no thought to what the heck I am doing. I swear it is like I am in dream state and can see myself doing it but am powerless to stop it. Now I know that is crap - I know have the ability to stop and pull myself away from the freakin cookie. I really don't get it, it feels physical to me, not mental or emotional...like my body is addicted to the sugar and takes over my cognitive thinking. I am really coming to grips with the fact that I need to get sugar OUT of my diet forever. That is a hard thing to admit and even harder for me to do...I love baking and I love all things sugar. If I can master this last great challenge it will be my greatest victory! If not, I will never be completely happy regardless of how much progress I make.
All that said, I have been doing fairly well with eating and working out, I am pretty motivated right now with Mexico. I know if I don't get a handle on dealing with cravings they will get the better of me sooner or later and I don't want to slide backwards again.